Happy Birthday Rianne!

November was another roller coaster month. Rianne spent half of it fighting off a tough cold. It didn’t really have her down and out, but it just stuck around. She finally got rid of it and has been doing fine since.
On Veterans Day we decided to get her out of the house and go for a quad ride. We hadn’t been on them since last November, just before my back surgery. We took Kelbi with us and rode up to Sundown Mountain. We put in about 15 miles and Rianne did well the entire trip! She pleaded with me to let her drive with Kelbi on her quad - I was concerned with her having to multi-task, but she proved that she could do it! The video below is one that I shot of her driving by with her new canine hood ornament!
We had a Happy Thanksgiving this year and truly have been blessed! We celebrated Thanksgiving at Bob and Pam Hunter’s home on Thursday and really enjoyed ourselves. Dustin and Sheila Hunter were there, as well as Sheila’s parents, Brad and Carla Van Prooyen. Pam’s sister, Sandy and her husband, Jerry were there, as well. They have all been great supporters for us. On Friday we again celebrated Thanksgiving with our daughter-in-law, Ashley’s side of the family at Ty and Ashley’s home. Most of the group watched the Oregon Ducks Football Game, but Rianne spent the entire time playing with her Grandsons!
Anxiety has been her worse enemy since her treatments have been final. She does fine when I’m here with her, but when I leave in the morning to head for the school anxiety overwhelms her. It digs deep into her emotions and thoughts, breaking her down when nobody is there for her to confide in. She often calls me with a quiver in her voice. She sometimes breaks down in tears when the girls from work pick her up. I’ve left her for short periods to hunt and fish and she is anxious the entire time that I am away from her. One day she told me to go fish with a friend and 20 minutes later she called crying, begging me to come home because of her anxiety. I did, however, manage to catch a 30 pound salmon on one of the trips! On Sunday afternoons she gets anxious about starting a new work week. When we go to Coos Bay for tests or Blood Draws she is anxious during the entire ride up. The list goes on – bottom line is she is having a VERY difficult time allowing herself to relax due to her struggles with anxiety!
Yesterday we took a road trip out of state to buy her a birthday present! She turns 53 tomorrow! We headed to Crescent City, California to visit the Home Depot which is armed with excellent Christmas Decorations. Her favorites are animated figures for the yard. I told her to get what she wanted – she smiled and was like a kid in a candy shop! She grabbed a few good ones then we headed back to Oregon.
Happy Birthday Rianne! Today we spent a few hours arranging the decorations in the yard. She always goes “All Out” when it comes to decorating for Christmas. If you know much about Rianne, you know that Christmas is her favorite time of the year! After we finish decorating the yard, you can bet on it that the inside of our house will be quite festive! She is absolutely amazing at decorating for Christmas!
We are very grateful for our many blessings – especially during this holiday season! We have so much to be thankful for! We hope that you, too, are counting your blessings! Have a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and enjoy the rest of the holidays!

She's Not Out of the Woods Yet!

Overall, October was a good month for Rianne. Her spirits are high and she has been feeling decent for the past two weeks or so. She fought to get over a cold that she caught and fought for 10 days, but lately she has been doing well. Still – it’s day to day and we are aware of that!
2 weeks ago we returned to Coos Bay for a follow-up appointment with the Radiation Oncologist. It went well and he was confident that the radiation was successful. Rianne asked him to look at a new lump that she discovered on her leg. He checked it and told her that it was very likely NOT a new tumor. She wasn’t buying it! Nor should she! Keep in mind that she was told that a lump on her head was “nothing” and worrying would only make it worse……that lump grew into a cancerous tumor and changed her life! She pleaded with the Radiation Oncologist to take a look at it through an MRI or CT Scan. At first he resisted, but when her tears began to flow and her words began to come with difficulty, he agreed to have it looked at.
We left the Radiation Center and went up to Bay Area Hospital to have an ultrasound done on the lump. The technician did all she could to find a mass on the monitor, but nothing showed up. That was good news to hear, as Rianne was stressing about it since it surfaced a month or so ago. When she found it, she was told to use hot compresses on it, which didn’t seem to do much for it at first. Apparently the compresses did work enough to help shrink it enough for it to NOT show up on the ultrasound!
Our next stop was North Bend Medical Center for a blood draw and discussion with Rianne’s oncologist. Her blood was drawn by her favorite nurse, Teresa, who is always gentle with her Port and enjoyable to talk to. After the blood was drawn, we met with Susan, the oncology practicioner, who has been great to work with. Rianne feels very comfortable with her and relates to her well. We’ve been anxious to hear about the results of the CT Scan from earlier this month and Susan went over them with us. It wasn’t exactly what Rianne expected to hear!
The CT Scan found no lymphoma……but it did discover an enlarged spleen with a lesion on it that was stable, some fluid around her heart, a mild hernia in her belly, a small cyst on her right ovary, and mild diverticulosis in her large intestine. The new findings weren’t what she wanted to hear and caused her some immediate concern. Susan, however, assured her that the new symptoms would be watched closely and that she could improve them with proper diet and exercise. We left the meeting with Susan very relieved that no further lymphoma was discovered.
But she isn’t out of the woods yet!
Rianne will still need to go through another PET Scan and Brain MRI. We are especially anxious about the Brain MRI, as it will tell us if the entire tumor beneath her skull has disappeared or not. Both the Oncologist and the Radiation Oncologist feel confident that it is gone, but we won’t rest until all of the tests are final!
It sure has been an exhausting 7 months to say the least. Rianne has been working at Curry County Title lately and has been averaging about 5 or more hours a day. She is exhausted when she’s ready to go home, sleeps well and returns to work another day. Her weekends have been spent resting – which is exactly what she needs!
We hope you are all well. We’re in the season to give thanks – and we are sure thankful for your love, support, friendship and prayers. We hope that you all are healthy and happy during this season!

Radiation Leaves it's Mark

Rianne has been recovering from the Radiation Treatments slowly but surely - but mostly slowly. I’m not sure if its me or her, but it seems that her progress has been at a snail’s pace. It could be that my expectations for her are to recover quickly or it could just be that she is extremely tired and has taken time to progress. Either way, she is still on the roller coaster.
Rianne has a few sayings, which definitely provide us with wisdom during these tough months. “By the inch it’s a cinch, by the yard it’s hard.” I like it because her recovery is actually taking more time than I thought it would and this saying reminds me that ANY progress in a positive direction is good progress. I need to expect her recovery to take more time – weeks and maybe even months to be realistic.
“Don’t try to eat the whole elephant in one bite” is another trademark quote from Rianne. If we expect her to be able to recover all at once, without any setbacks, then we are expecting too much. Her recovery will be more of a challenge than I initially assumed it would be. By allowing her to take it a day at a time, one bite at a time, we are allowing her to recover at a reasonable pace.
But the thoughts and fears of my wife having cancer continue to consume me daily, and I struggle with anxiety at times, waiting for the oncologist to say that she is cancer-free. The demons in our heads tend to eat away at us, especially when we worry about the possibility of the cancer returning.
In the meantime, Rianne has been to work several times in the past two weeks. She has struggled at work due to the chemo-brain. Most of us rise in the morning and head off to work, but Rianne has daily fights with anxiety the second I leave the house. She feels an anxious loneliness and fears going to work because she is afraid that her memory will lapse and she worries about not being able to stay on task. She is anxious when people approach her because she is uncertain of who they are. She knows the faces but the names don’t surface quickly enough in her brain that has been affected by the chemotherapy. She pushes herself to do a little more each day, yet feels that she can’t keep up. Returning to work has been an emotional roller coaster in itself. Yet she couldn’t ask for better bosses than Bryan Little and Dave Little. They have been unbelievably supportive of her throughout this entire ordeal. They have had huge hearts and continue to support her 100%. “Just do what you can while you are here” and “if you feel that you need to go home we understand” are two examples of their support for Rianne during these difficult times in her life. Her co-workers have also been absolutely supportive of her return to work. Becky, Katie, Lacey and Carol have picked her up and brought her home each day and have helped her at work.
Rianne says that it seems like Becky sees most of her tears when she picks her up for work. One day last week before she went to work, the anxiety overwhelmed Rianne and she had a meltdown. Becky picked her up and she sobbed from the second she got in the car. They drove a mile toward work and had to pull over to talk. Becky said, “its okay, why don’t you let me take you back home for the day.” Rianne called me at the school and just sobbed. The chemo-brain and the anxiety were more than she could take that day. It was best for her to just curl up on the couch, put a movie in the DVD player and let her mind relax.
Evenings have been good to Rianne. She has had a good appetite, eats well, then relaxes on the couch and goes to bed early. She is most comfortable when I’m close to her. She has been sleeping well at night because she “cheats” by taking Ambien to help her brain shut off for the night. At least that’s what she calls it…I say it’s a good strategy for her brain to take a well-deserved break!
It’s the 18th of October and, as I type, I reflect on the road that she and I have been down together since April. It has NOT been entirely exciting or enjoyable. We do, however, count our blessings! Some cancer patients have not made it until today, and we are both aware of that. Each day brings different challenges, yet often new blessings. We are both very happy to still have each other to lean on!

One Rocky Road

Rianne’s Radiation Treatment is complete! Last Monday Rianne endured her final visit to the facility for radiation. What a DANG TOUGH and amazing woman she is! I’m really proud of her for all that she has overcome during the past 6 months. She has been through one rocky road during this difficult course in her life!
Luane drove Rianne up to Coos Bay for her final radiation appointment a week ago, which allowed her parents to again get a break from traveling. It was a good day for Rianne and she even received a certificate for completing her scheduled treatments! They also gave her the mask that was used to align her head to the same position for each treatment. It left little diamonds on her face each time, which are easy to see in the photo on this post. She was relieved to reach the final day of radiation, as the fatigue was beginning to take a toll on her.
She was exhausted early in the week due to the effects of the radiation. Her parents were both also exhausted, so much that they slept the entire ride home from one of her treatments. They are yet to see the photo in this post, which should certainly get them to laugh. They pulled the 5th Wheel out of the driveway and left for Clarkston on Wednesday. It was great to have their support while they were here for the past three weeks. We are both very grateful for their help during that tough month of September.
Her spirits have been strong and her energy levels are slowly but surely increasing. Yesterday, Ty brought Kacen and Brant over and they played non-stop with “Gramma” for two and a half hours. She also worked a few hours during two days last week! Her attitude has been great and she wants to desperately succeed, especially at work.
Today I drove her to Coos Bay for a follow-up CT Scan. She had a little anxiety before the procedure, which is…well…Rianne! She’s felt that way before each and every appointment, so why should she change now?! We won’t hear about the results until later this week or into next week, so keep your fingers crossed! What we want to hear is that she is cancer-free from the shoulders down through the CT Scan results!
Thank you again for all of your love, support, prayers, gifts, letters, phone calls, text messages and friendship! We appreciate ALL that you have done. We love you all! Have a GREAT week!!

Only SHE Really Knows What She Feels

16 Radiation Treatments down and only 4 to go! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel getting brighter and brighter! Rianne, however cannot.
Tonight she went to bed feeling very discouraged. It absolutely crushes me to see her down in the dumps, but it’s part of the territory with the cancer treatment. Bottom line is she’s exhausted from the past 6 months of torture on her body, mind and emotions. Her parents have been taking her up to Coos Bay for the past couple of weeks, and they too are feeling fatigued.
Tomorrow her friend, Luane Merkley will take her to her 17th Radiation Treatment while her parents take the day to rest. I’ll take her up on Thursday, as she has an appointment with her Oncologist and a blood draw following the Radiation Treatment.
It’s gut-wrenching to reflect on her past 6 months – the initial surgery to remove the tumors…..the phone call announcing her cancer…..the battery of tests…..the chemotherapy…..the unexpected blood transfusions…the intrathecal shots into her spine…..the radiation therapy…..and the emotional roller coaster to go with it all. It’s a wonder my wife is still able to function at all.
The “chemo-brain” has caused her unnecessary stress. She struggles to control it and it tends to disrupt her emotions. Rianne is a perfectionist – even through all of this – and it’s tough for her to accept that she has difficulty with her level of concentration.
She has worked hard to keep her brain “active” to combat the chemo-brain. She reads, works on household chores and has been digging in deep with the Sudoku Puzzles. I’m really proud of her for challenging herself to stay active and to keep herself engaged in activities.
But it is what it is…..it’s cancer. It’s a serious, life-threatening illness that attacks everything you have. Lately it’s attacked her deepest emotions, consuming every thought she has, every minute of every day. We, her supporters and loved ones, really don’t know what she’s going through because we aren’t Rianne. Only SHE really knows what she feels. She has fought off serious depression, feelings of hopelessness, fear for her life and the thought of losing it all. Sadly, adding to her anxiety, a fellow cancer patient whom she was going through treatment with passed away from the disease two weeks ago. He was in the Radiation Treatment Center one day and was gone the next. She’s had humbling support from all of us, but she still has the cancer inside of her, keeping her riding the emotional roller coaster.
But then again, tomorrow is another day. She may rise in the morning with a smile on her face and walk straight to the next Sudoku Puzzle, prepared to destroy it and claim another victory. That’s exactly what I believe she will do to the cancer inside of her – she will beat it and claim a victory over it!
Although she went to bed feeling discouraged, I’m confident that she’ll push herself down the stretch and fight to the bitter end of her treatment. She is, without a doubt, the strongest person I have ever known! She has been beaten down by the cancer numerous times, but she continues to fight and bounce back every time, no matter what the circumstance!!

She's Itchin' to Ride Her Quad!

The days go by and Radiation Therapy continues for Rianne. She is finished with Number 11 and has 9 to go! Treatments have been going smoothly, although she has been a bit tired the past few days. She also has some tenderness in the radiated area on her head. Overall, she is doing well though!
Her parents have been taking her to the treatments for over a week now. We are so grateful to have them here to support her and to help with the transportation to her radiation appointments. We are also grateful to have had friends also transport her. The trips up to Coos Bay have given her a chance to visit with friends and her parents.
In the morning I will drive her to Brookings to get the crown permanently installed. She did fine with a temporary for a couple of weeks. We will then head north to Coos Bay for her 12th radiation appointment, then head to NBMC for a blood draw. We hope things go smoothly.
Over the weekend we decided to get away and took the trailers up the mountain for a campout. Hap Flynn joined us so that he and I could go elk hunting with our bows. Rianne and her parents held the fort down at our campsite with some additional help from the dogs! It was great to get Rianne out into the fresh mountain air for a couple of days. She sure misses riding her quad and is itching to get back to the habit after her treatments are final!
Tomorrow will be a long day, so I’ll close for now. We hope you are all well and are counting your blessings! We are truly blessed and thank you all for your love, prayers and support!

Radiation - Day 2

Day 2 went well for Rianne today. She was driven up to Coos Bay by Pam Hunter and they enjoyed the time together. At 1:30 she had her radiation appointment, then she had a meeting with the Radiation Oncologist to discuss her treatment. She will meet with him on each Tuesday during her four week treatment period.
After the radiation appointments she went to meet with her Oncologist. He discussed a few things with her during the visit. He expressed his relief that her daily headaches were going away and also told her to continue taking Tylenol if her low grade fever continues.
He had one last thing to say - that her tumor has shrunk and that radiation should help considerably. He stated that the number of her radiation treatments will be 20 instead of the 30 that he initially thought would be necessary.
Good news to hear! When her Radiation Treatment is completed, he will run some final tests to be certain that the cancer is under control. Hopefully by the middle of October her treatment will be finalized!