Riding the "Cancer Roller Coaster"

Today and yesterday were good days…but Monday was literally an up and down emotional roller coaster ride. Rianne had a MUGA Scan scheduled for 8:30am, so we woke at 5:30 and left town at 6:30 to arrive on time for the appointment at Bay Area Hospital in Coos Bay. The technician injected Rianne with a radioactive material and stung her when the needle hit a nerve. We returned a half an hour later for the procedure to be initiated. Rianne lied motionless for an hour so that the machine could take an accurate reading of the strength of the left ventricle of her heart. She walked through the test like she was walking in a crosswalk. No difficulties and a smile on her face when we left the hospital. We headed to Walmart (wearing our medical masks in the building to resist germs), and did some shopping. We didn’t want to have to stay in Coos Bay after her 1:30pm appointment for a blood draw. It was tough enough on her to rise at 5:30 and make an early appointment, but on this day we were scheduled for another. We were anxious to have her blood drawn, hear the good news that her counts were improving and then head on home so she wouldn’t be exhausted………we should have known better by now!
The Oncology nurse at North Bend Medical Center drew her blood and returned with the results. “Your white blood cell counts look really good.” Rianne and I smiled at each other with pride because we worked hard on her diet to focus on higher counts during this draw. “But your red blood cell counts are way down. We want your numbers to be up for your next chemo infusion on June 1st, so we need you to receive another blood transfusion. If your counts are low on June 1st we won’t be able to treat you.” We understood, but Rianne was crushed. She has battled with a blood disorder called Thallesemia Minor for all of her life. The disorder causes battles with her strength on a daily basis. Even when she was in excellent health, there were times when she had literally walked in the door after work, grabbed a snack and went to bed for the night due to exhaustion – all triggered by the Thallesemia. Another blood transfusion registered failure in her mind because she felt like she was improving, but the blood draw showed that she wasn’t.
We left the facility at 2:00 and headed back to Bay Area Hospital for the blood transfusion. We checked in at 3:00, had her blood drawn for a match and waited for the new units of whole, packed red blood cells to arrive. During the wait she had a meltdown - as I mentioned earlier, I won’t sugar coat it. She sobbed in my arms, discussing with me her fears of financial hardship during this grueling process and her concern for my well being should her condition worsen. She apologized to me for having cancer and for causing me to have to take sick days from work to be with her. Sadly, she was at the lowest she has been since the diagnosis was made.
Once again I listened to her and let her speak, yet I wanted to cut her off and tell her not to worry. Getting the frustration out is critical in the healing process and she needed to vent. When she was finished I assured her that money was not going to be an issue throughout her treatment and that I won’t allow it to be. For the past 21years of our marriage we have always found a way to work things out financially – and we will find a way again and again during this ordeal. I reminded her that my sick days have accumulated over the years and that I have built up enough to be with her without worry. Lastly, I encouraged her to not apologize for having cancer - a condition that she had no control of getting. She didn’t get cancer for doing something wrong…or as a punishment for something she did in the past..…she has cancer because it is an awful disease that doesn’t discriminate against anyone – it can and does find whomever it wants to.
It hurts me to see her hurting. I feel her pain and am very empathetic to her feelings and frustrations with all of her tests, blood draws, chemo infusions and blood transfusions. Her day was already long and she was tired…and it was 3:30…and she hadn’t received a drop of blood yet.
At 4:30 the first of two units began to drip into the IV and into the Chemo Port in her chest. Each unit would take 2 hours or longer to empty. After her meltdown, her spirit began to climb again thanks to a phone call from Briana Katzenberger and another from Crystal Szymczak. Again, we find great strength in the support we receive from friends, family and our community - and again it was coming at a time of need. When the second unit arrived around 7:00, Rianne was laughing and feeling refreshed again. She was texting friends, talking to the nurses and even visiting with another patient who was receiving treatment for breast cancer. I too was feeling somewhat relieved, until I saw her eyes begin to get that glazed look, which is the indicator that she has had enough. When she said she had a headache I knew it was only the beginning of what was yet to come of an awfully long night.
At 9:00 the second unit was still dripping into her IV. During her first blood transfusion 3 weeks ago, for some reason the pump kept stopping and triggering the alarm. The unit “beeped” once every second, signaling for the assistance of a nurse to reset the machine. It did this very often, which lengthened the night considerably. On Monday night it began beeping again, which increased Rianne’s stress level and, of course, intensified her headache. At 9:45 the transfusion was complete and at 10:00 she took her medication for the night to help her sleep during the hour and a half ride home to Gold Beach. She also took a pain killer to relieve her aching bones and hopefully relieve the headache, which was worsening . 20 minutes into the trip home she began to sob again because her headache wouldn’t ease up and she was beginning to feel nauseated and frustrated. When we reached Humbug Mountain she couldn’t tolerate it anymore and begged me to pull over. Exhausted, she stepped out of the vehicle and began to vomit repeatedly. She felt better, if that’s possible, and we didn’t stop again until we were in our driveway at midnight.
She stumbled into the house and into bed, asking for an icebag to relieve the pain from her headache. She took a second Ambien to help her fall asleep, as the first was lost when she emptied her stomach on the asphalt at Humbug. Finally, at 2:00am, after an over-exhausting day, she was snoring, which meant that her miserable day had finally ended.
The entire day was like a "Cancer Roller Coaster" ride. One moment we were up, the next moment we were down. An hour later the day was improving, yet during the next hour we were feeling low again.Having cancer in our lives has had it's ups and it has had it's downs. The best that we can do is handle each situation as it arises, knowing that "this too shall pass."
As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, today and yesterday were good days for her. After the first blood transfusion she improved steadily with each new day. So far the same has occurred with the second transfusion. Her strength has returned with the newly acquired red blood cells and her positive attitude has returned as well. Tomorrow is yet another day and, if the pattern follows the first cycle of her treatment, she will have a good day. We are hoping and praying that the week will end with good days so that she will have strong blood counts, refreshed strength and a good attitude for the start of her 3rd cycle of chemotherapy.
Thank you again for all of your support. Although you may feel hesitant or unsure if you should contact us or not, please remember that something as simple as a “one-liner” in a text message can improve our day. Your friendship is valued during this trying period in our lives and we encourage you to feel comfortable contacting us. We hope that you understand how HUGE the “little things” can be!